A Bit of a Breakdown

The past few days I've had a bit of a breakdown. I  had the port put in, which was painless and the nurses and doctors were soo wonderful and funny,  but it was kind of a traumatizing experience because I was awake. Now it's bruised and gross and sore, I got hives, my skin broke out, and just today my hair started shedding and my eyebrows look a tiny bit thinner, which is the first sign that it's coming out. So much is happening all at once and I think I'm overwhelmed. I've been staying in bed all day, feeling sorry for myself and not really wanting to see or talk to anyone-
Today, however, I went to get the bandage changed and it didn't look as bad as I thought it would. The nurse said they did a really good job, so it made me feel better.
I think once my hair is gone and I've accepted it, I'll be ready to kick this shit in its ass. Despite my breakdowns, I really do feel stronger than I thought I would and feel like I've done a good job handling it. It's the moments of weakness and sadness that are the hardest to come out of. I 100% know when either the first clump of hair comes out or I shave it, is going to be hard. Looking at myself in the mirror in a way I never have before.  But again, once I get used to it, I'm sure it will be fine. I'll just have to make myself feel pretty with other things like makeup, a sassy hat and some hooker heels.

My goal now is to have a fuck cancer party sometime this summer as a celebration of me being done with treatments. I haven't really thought it through yet but would love to make it a fundraising event for breast cancer. I will keep everyone abreast of the situation (see what I did there)-

As always, thank you for your continued support. The emails you guys send me really touch me and have changed my life.