Hair Today, Not Gone Tomorrow?

It seems as though my hair has stopped falling out.  A lot of it came out, but there is still hair on my head and it's growing!! There's not a spot on my head that feels bare. So, if it stays, the question is...when I am done with treatments, and the rest starts to grow back, do I re-shave what I have now (assuming it stays) or do I keep it. My friend who went through this about a year ago had the same thing happened and she re-shaved her head when she was done.
My eyelashes are coming out and I have a few spots where there are no lashes, but I'm not too sad about that. They are crap now (my brother got my mom's long, luscious lashes and I got my dad's short, straight ones) and maybe they will come back in long and curly. My brows are still thinning. I've been practicing using the stencil on my arm and from far away, I don't think you'd be able to tell they weren't real.
I've been feeling good though. Got a tiny eye infection, which was annoying, but overall, I feel good. Just more tired than usual.
Today's reward: Cadbury Mini Eggs. Now I know they were my treat a couple days ago, but I got 2 big bags, so they will be my daily treat for a while... or for one more day, depending on how much self control I have.

Shave It For Someone Who Cares

My boyfriend, John Kyle Grady, shaved his head for me today.  Well, not JUST for me. He shaved it at an event for St. Baldrick 's, which raises money for childhood cancer research. So he was twice as amazing this afternoon. He has been so incredibly supportive and patient and this was just the icing on the cake. He wanted to wait to shave it for this event so he could raise money, which brings a tear to my eye. I didn't even get to go because I was having sinus/eye/skin issues and I was a lil nervous about being in a pretty crowded bar.  He sent me a video and pictures and I just started crying because I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
I have some amazing people in my life who shaved their heads to let me know I am not going through this alone. My friends Jason, Donavon and Kid Caramel (yes, that is his real name) all shaved their heads too. To do something so selfless and thoughtful for another person blows me away. I wish the world was filled with people like them.

Yoga Bear

The fabulous therapist over at Tower Oncology suggested I take their yoga class. It's free for patients and very easy for people going through chemo or recovering. I decided to take it today and it was incredible. 8 beautiful, amazing women (I'm including myself in the 8). I was the only one currently in treatment, the rest were "cured". It was good for me to be in a room with 7 other women who have gone through this and come out the other end just fine. The teachers were so kind and wonderful. It was more of a group therapy session for me, which I needed.  We focused on meditation and breathing today and did some light stretching. Everyone shared a little bit about themselves at first and I was happy to sit there and take it all in. It's good for my mind and body and I will be going regularly. I actually feel great today. I feel "normal". My energy level is up and I'm in great spirits. Today's reward: Cadbury Mini Eggs

It's Been One Week Since You Looked At Me

Had my one week after treatment appointment today and everything looks great. My white blood is high and I feel great. I even left the house today for a bit, which I my doctor said I need to do more often. I did feel better after being around other humans and seeing the sun. Hopefully the remaining treatments will be just as easy. Fingers crossed!

Bye-Bye Brows?

As I mentioned in my other post, the bone pain was minimal this time. Only had to take half a Vicodin the whole time instead of 1 a day for 4 days. But my right eyebrow is starting to get patchy. Hopefully it will just stay patchy. As long as I have some hair on my brows, I can fill them in with a pencil. If not, I will use a stencil and cut some bangs into ye old wig! Last time on this day, my tongue felt like I burned it. Today, it definitely feels weird, but I can eat and doesn't hurt. I am also getting a tad itchy. Last treatment I broke out in hives. I am taking preventative measures so hopefully I won't this time. Also, most of my shaved head hairs seemed to have fallen out, but there's still a layer of hair that won't let go. It looks like it's super blonde so it kinda looks like I'm totally bald from far away, but if you touch my head, you can feel the hair. And in the shower, it's not coming out. Maybe that layer will stay?? Who knows. Every day is a learning experience and something new. I am thankful the side effects weren't as bad this time around. To make myself feel chipper today, I downloaded the new Justin Timberlake album. Yes I am a 38-year-old woman. Say something. Seriously though, it's really good.

Same Side Effects, Different Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone!!

It looks like the worst of my side effects is going to be from the steroids and bone marrow shot. The steroids leave me feeling bloated (hot), swollen, hyper and just icky, but only for about a day after treatment.  And I've been on steroids before for asthma, so I'm kinda used to it. I thought maybe I wouldn't get the bone pain this time because it didn't set in until late last night and last time I was feeling it earlier. It's definitely not as bad this time around but it's still there. But I am prepared. I have my trusty pal, Vicodin and Mr. Heating Pad. And I know it only lasts a couple days.  I also just realized I didn't get night sweats last night, thank you very much. As you know, I shaved my head last week. It hasn't fallen out 100% but it's getting patchy, which looks kinda weird. The interesting thing is I can tell it grew since last weekend, which is great because it means when my hair starts to grow back in, hopefully it will come in quickly (at least that's what my doctor told me).

I did feel a lil blue when I woke up today because it's St. Paddy's Day and while everyone is bar hopping and drinking green beer and Irish Car Bombs, I'm stuck in bed. But that just means next St. Paddy's Day, I need to do it up huge.

On the plus side, I don't need to shave my legs or under my arms and my skin has never looked better. Not a zit or line in sight!!! It does get a bit dry, but nothing a lil moisturizer can't fix!

Wigging Out

I decided to get a second wig for those days I feel like shorter hair, especially as the weather starts to warm up. This one is synthetic hair but it feels like real hair and I really like it. It's kinda fun to play around with your look. I also had my hydration and bone marrow shot today. So far I feel great but I know tomorrow I'll be sore. The good news is the pill the doctor prescribed for the pain and tingling in my fingertips seems to be helping, still sweat like a whore in church last night though.

I also want to give a quick shout out to 3 of my friends who shaved their heads in my honor. Jason Makiaris, David Saenz and Donavon Davenport. I am so touched by them. It's not an easy thing to do, even for a boy and for that, I love them dearly.

2 Down, 4 To Go

Today was muuuuch better than the first session. The port makes a huge difference- I didn't feel a thing. Just sat there for a few hours with my family and boyfriend, cracking jokes- I'm super tired because I popped an Ativan and the doc prescribed me yet another pill to help with fingertip pain/numbness and night sweats.

I go back tomorrow for 2 hour hydration and the bone marrow shot which ruined me last time but this time I'm prepared- Vicodin every 4 hours- I'll update everyone in a few days with any changes or fun facts!

I Pulled a Britney

Well pals, I did it- I woke up this morning and enough hair came out in my hand that I knew it was time. It was just enough hair to  know that it was real and happening but not so much that it freaked me out, so I feel like I took the power away from the chemo by taking control today. I even dressed up like a soldier with army boots (kinda) and a camouflage bandana. It was oddly freeing. I didn't cry and I kiiinda like it. I look a whole lot more like my brother now.
As women, we always complain about how long it takes us to do our hair and how we wish we had different hair. Well, for the next 6 months or so, I won't have to worry about it. I won't have to spend $10000000 on hair products. I won't have to wake up early so I can do my hair and I won't have to spend money on a cut, color or Brazilian Blowout (although I will miss my amazing hairdresser). All I have to do is pop on my wig and let's do this (all you girls are kinda thinking about shaving your head now, aren't you? hahaha). I got some fun scarves, a hat and a second wig to change up my look!
I had a partner in crime with me today... an old friend who, unfortunately, is also going through treatments for breast cancer. She was a brave soldier too and looks amazing with a shaved head. I am grateful to have such a beautiful friend through all of this, I just wish it was for something else, like culinary school or rehab for a gambling addiction.

I'm Going G.I. Jane

I think Saturday is the day... my G.I, Jane day!
My mom's friend's daughter, who I used to play with when we were kids, is going through the exact same thing as me right now and she is having her head shaved Saturday and I think I'm going to join her and get mine shaved too. I think it will make it easier having a partner in crime and hopefully less emotional. She's going to this place in Woodland Hills that carries products for chemo patients but they also give haircuts/shave heads for free.
I'm at about 90% right now and will let you know what I decide but I really think Saturday is the day  I start rocking the Telly Savalas look!

A Bit of a Breakdown

The past few days I've had a bit of a breakdown. I  had the port put in, which was painless and the nurses and doctors were soo wonderful and funny,  but it was kind of a traumatizing experience because I was awake. Now it's bruised and gross and sore, I got hives, my skin broke out, and just today my hair started shedding and my eyebrows look a tiny bit thinner, which is the first sign that it's coming out. So much is happening all at once and I think I'm overwhelmed. I've been staying in bed all day, feeling sorry for myself and not really wanting to see or talk to anyone-
Today, however, I went to get the bandage changed and it didn't look as bad as I thought it would. The nurse said they did a really good job, so it made me feel better.
I think once my hair is gone and I've accepted it, I'll be ready to kick this shit in its ass. Despite my breakdowns, I really do feel stronger than I thought I would and feel like I've done a good job handling it. It's the moments of weakness and sadness that are the hardest to come out of. I 100% know when either the first clump of hair comes out or I shave it, is going to be hard. Looking at myself in the mirror in a way I never have before.  But again, once I get used to it, I'm sure it will be fine. I'll just have to make myself feel pretty with other things like makeup, a sassy hat and some hooker heels.

My goal now is to have a fuck cancer party sometime this summer as a celebration of me being done with treatments. I haven't really thought it through yet but would love to make it a fundraising event for breast cancer. I will keep everyone abreast of the situation (see what I did there)-

As always, thank you for your continued support. The emails you guys send me really touch me and have changed my life.

Oh BeHIVES

sooo Friday I was feeling pretty good. Aside from the pain from the port, I didn't feel tired or achy or anything and then BOOM hives. Broke out on my neck, chest and arms.  It was amazing. It's a tiny bit better today but I'm still pretty itchy. I'm taking Benadryl, which knocks me out, and the doc gave me a cream, My poor body. It's so scarred and bruised and itchy. The chemo makes your body heal waaay slower than normal, The port procedure left me with a gross bruise on my arm which is totally normal but its nasty and will take a while to go away.
I think I am going to shave my head tomorrow night. Even typing those words makes me want to vomit and cry but if I shave it before it falls out, I'll have the power, which my wonderful brother, Darren Michael Robinson, pointed out to me-. If I'm so stressed about losing my hair, then I should just shave it and take that power away from the chemo. It makes me sad to think I wont see my real hair again until probably August, but John keeps reminding me that it will grow back and this is temporary and that I'm beautiful with or without hair. Oh looky there, now I'm tearing up again. This whole experience has been such a huge wake-up call.  Certain things that I stressed about before, I wouldn't dare stress about now. I'm learning to appreciate the things in life that I may have taken for granted before. I know I say it every time but I have an incredible support system (all of you guys). Ireally don't think I could do this without any of you and don't think for a minute that your concern and support has gone unnoticed.

Love you all

I'll keep you guys posted on my bald head