Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Switch It Up Now
I have exactly 2 weeks left of radiation. It has gone by fast. I met with the doctor today. Because I have developed a rash on my chest, they are going to do 2 of my "boosts" tomorrow and Friday to give my skin a break. I get 4 boosts, which means instead of radiating my whole blouse clown, they just focus on the area where the tumor was. It's a super quick zap, but it's a bit more powerful. This will give my skin 4 days off and hopefully the rash will go away. Monday I will resume with regular radiation. I'm almost done!!!!!
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
An Interesting Turn Of Events
I was brushing Latisse on my brows and lashes tonight, like I do every night and I noticed that my bottom lashes on both eyes are completely gone. I have no bottom lashes. Luckily, you can't tell unless I point it out, but how odd. I reallllllly hope my top lashes don't completely fall out because that would be some bullshit.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Lash Frustration
A couple weeks ago, my lashes looked kinda fuller and longer. This week, however, they seemed to have thinned out. I have been using Latisse every night on them and on my brows. My NP said it's normal for them to thin out after chemo before coming back full force. I thought I was seeing new growth on my brows too but I think that was wishful thinking. My NP did say brows and lashes take longer to grow in, so it's normal, just frustrating.
Smoking's For The Birds
The waiting room at the radiation center today was more crowded than usual. Of course, I befriended everyone in it because cancer has turned me into a Chatty Cathy.
There were 2 sisters in the waiting room. They were older and looked like twins. One had lung and brain cancer. She was a smoker. I felt awful for her. She also told me that her son was killed in a motorcycle accident about a year ago. This poor woman. What really got me though is her sister wreaked of cigarettes. It blew me away. Here her sister was getting treatments for lung cancer that had spread to her brain, and she was still smoking. It wasn't my place to tell her to quit, so I kept my mouth shut. I would think seeing her sister go through all of this would make her change her ways, but sometimes addictions get the best of you.
On a kinda more uplifting note, there was a woman in the waiting room who starts treatments on Monday. She was waiting for her schedule and just started crying. I told her I understood and it's scary but that radiation was easy. She said she had chemo and had a pretty easy time with it and I said, "If you thought that was easy, you are in for a treat." We have the same oncologist and I told her I was 4 weeks in and aside from some fatigue, it was a piece of cake. (I didn't want to tell her that I have developed a very itchy rash on my chest. She may not get that and I didn't want to stress her out). She stopped crying, smiled and said, "You have made me feel much better. Thank you." The unknown is so scary. The anticipation is worse than the treatments. I told her she was in good hands and all the techs were amazing and it's quick and painless. I am so glad she left smiling and hopefully can have a good weekend and not stress out.
Oh and one of the women told me I was lucky I didn't lose my hair. And I told her I loved her and she made my day because I was wearing a wig!!
There were 2 sisters in the waiting room. They were older and looked like twins. One had lung and brain cancer. She was a smoker. I felt awful for her. She also told me that her son was killed in a motorcycle accident about a year ago. This poor woman. What really got me though is her sister wreaked of cigarettes. It blew me away. Here her sister was getting treatments for lung cancer that had spread to her brain, and she was still smoking. It wasn't my place to tell her to quit, so I kept my mouth shut. I would think seeing her sister go through all of this would make her change her ways, but sometimes addictions get the best of you.
On a kinda more uplifting note, there was a woman in the waiting room who starts treatments on Monday. She was waiting for her schedule and just started crying. I told her I understood and it's scary but that radiation was easy. She said she had chemo and had a pretty easy time with it and I said, "If you thought that was easy, you are in for a treat." We have the same oncologist and I told her I was 4 weeks in and aside from some fatigue, it was a piece of cake. (I didn't want to tell her that I have developed a very itchy rash on my chest. She may not get that and I didn't want to stress her out). She stopped crying, smiled and said, "You have made me feel much better. Thank you." The unknown is so scary. The anticipation is worse than the treatments. I told her she was in good hands and all the techs were amazing and it's quick and painless. I am so glad she left smiling and hopefully can have a good weekend and not stress out.
Oh and one of the women told me I was lucky I didn't lose my hair. And I told her I loved her and she made my day because I was wearing a wig!!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Shaving All My Love For You
I have late-breaking news: Today, for the first time since February, I shaved my legs!
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
They Tried To Make Me Go To Rehab, I said YES, YES, YES
Today I started rehab for my muscles. One of the chemo drugs, Taxotere, left my muscles weak and sore. I haven't really worked out since November and I was a bit nervous. A friend of mine, Shanna Ferrigno, is a personal trainer and she offered to get me back up and running. She was fantastic. She made me feel comfortable, even though I was struggling. She kept me motivated and gave me some great stretches and exercises I can do at home. Once my muscles are back to normal, I am going to start her 12-week pro fitness program, which can be found at www.ferrignofit.com. Not only do you get exercise videos but you also get customized meal plans, consultations with a trainer and dietician and so much more. I am so excited to get into shape and I am honored Shanna is going to help me!!
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
I'm So Hot
A good majority of my chemo side effects have either gone away completely or are getting better each week, except one really fun one. Hot flashes. I have always been someone who is constantly cold, but man alive not the past few months. I am always hot. Chemo screws with your hormones and according to my blood work, I am menopausal right now BUT my hormones should go back to normal in the next few months and the hot flashes hopefully will get better.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Time Flies When You're Having... Um...Cancer Treatments
Today marks 6 weeks that I am done with chemo and 3 out of 7 weeks into radiation. I didn't think radiation would go by quickly because I have to go every day, but it actually has gone by fast. Just like with chemo, I enjoy going for my radiation treatments. I love the nurses and technicians and have become friendly with some of the patients.
Just so you can get an idea of the process, here is what I go through daily. I change into a gown and lay on the table. It's not like an MRI/Cat Scan, so I am not going in and out of a small tube. I rest my left arm over my head on a pillow thingy so it's comfy. The technicians maneuver my body so the lasers line up with my tattoos. They tape my right knocker down so it doesn't get radiated. The techs leave the room and turn up the music. I then get 3 different, quick scans to make sure I am 100% aligned. Once I am in position, I get radiated in 3 different spots. The first one is on my left side, where my lymph node was removed. It's 20 seconds. Then, the machine moves over me and goes to about 1 o'clock. It radiates me one time for 20 seconds, then a second time for 10. I think I have 2 zaps in that position because it's aimed at where my tumor was. Then the machine moves over to the right side and zaps the other side of my left blouse clown for 20 seconds. What the doc told me is they do the whole breast to make sure they get all my lymph nodes. It's very fascinating. I am laying on the table for maybe 10 minutes total, if even that. So far, I don't have any burns. I am a bit red and sore and swollen, but it's not bad.
I am seeing a bit more hair growth all over. I have darker fuzzy patches on my head. Hopefully in the next few weeks, it will look a bit more uniform and just like a normal shaved head and I can stop wearing this wig. The muscle pain and weakness in my legs is going away FINALLY. I am going to start rehab next week to get me back up and running. I am tired from radiation. All of a sudden, I'll just be exhausted and need to take a nap. But all in all, I do feel better than I did even a week ago. It's a slow recovery process, but it's happening.
On a sidenote, today I saw a man walking a dachshund and...wait for it... A PIG. No joke. They were both on leashes just crossing the street. I wanted to take a picture, but there was a car behind me and I couldn't get to my phone. Now I want a pet pig.
Just so you can get an idea of the process, here is what I go through daily. I change into a gown and lay on the table. It's not like an MRI/Cat Scan, so I am not going in and out of a small tube. I rest my left arm over my head on a pillow thingy so it's comfy. The technicians maneuver my body so the lasers line up with my tattoos. They tape my right knocker down so it doesn't get radiated. The techs leave the room and turn up the music. I then get 3 different, quick scans to make sure I am 100% aligned. Once I am in position, I get radiated in 3 different spots. The first one is on my left side, where my lymph node was removed. It's 20 seconds. Then, the machine moves over me and goes to about 1 o'clock. It radiates me one time for 20 seconds, then a second time for 10. I think I have 2 zaps in that position because it's aimed at where my tumor was. Then the machine moves over to the right side and zaps the other side of my left blouse clown for 20 seconds. What the doc told me is they do the whole breast to make sure they get all my lymph nodes. It's very fascinating. I am laying on the table for maybe 10 minutes total, if even that. So far, I don't have any burns. I am a bit red and sore and swollen, but it's not bad.
I am seeing a bit more hair growth all over. I have darker fuzzy patches on my head. Hopefully in the next few weeks, it will look a bit more uniform and just like a normal shaved head and I can stop wearing this wig. The muscle pain and weakness in my legs is going away FINALLY. I am going to start rehab next week to get me back up and running. I am tired from radiation. All of a sudden, I'll just be exhausted and need to take a nap. But all in all, I do feel better than I did even a week ago. It's a slow recovery process, but it's happening.
On a sidenote, today I saw a man walking a dachshund and...wait for it... A PIG. No joke. They were both on leashes just crossing the street. I wanted to take a picture, but there was a car behind me and I couldn't get to my phone. Now I want a pet pig.
Monday, July 15, 2013
I Went Into Chemo Crying and Came Out Smiling
When I originally started this blog, I had every intention of turning it into a book. And I still may, down the line, but right now I am enjoying adding to this masterpiece when creativity strikes me. One of the chapters I was going to put in my book was something called "Dos & Don'ts." I wanted to share all the things I learned on my journey in the hopes that it could help someone else.
Every single person has a different experience when going through chemo. What may happen to one person, may not happen to you. Below is a list of tips I have come up with from my experience.
1) Do NOT look ANYTHING up online. I repeat, do not go on the Internet. I cannot stress that enough. All the Internet will do is make you crazy and you'll start to bring on side effects just by power of suggestion. The Internet is not your doctor.
2) I chose not to speak to too many people who had gone through chemo for breast cancer at first because I didn't want to hear their horror stories. I think it was a smart move for me, however, some people feel better talking to someone who has gone through it. And that is 100% okay. I chose not to join any support groups because I was just afraid of what I'd hear.
3) Do let people do things for you and do not feel bad about asking. I had a hard time with this at first. I didn't want anyone to feel bad for me and I didn't want to be helpless. But there are just some days when you don't want to get out of bed or you don't have the energy to do a thing. If a friend wants to buy you lunch, shoooooot, let them! You can get them back later. They want to help you and do this for you. And, you would do it for them.
4) Be as prepared as possible before starting chemo. Some people, including myself, would say I was a little too prepared, but it took a ton of stress off of me. I made sure to purchase my wig before I lost my hair. For me, I didn't want to go into a wig shop totally bald and try wigs on in front of people. I also bought a ton of scarves and hats. I bought sunscreen, eyebrow pencils and makeup, any drugs my doctor suggested or prescribed. I had a whole bag of stuff. I put together a chemo kit that I carried in my purse which consisted of hand sanitizer, hand sanitizing wipes, sunscreen, a thermometer and tissues. I used the hand sanitizer the most. I got a ton of stuff from Headcovers Unlimited (http://www.headcovers.com/). They have everything. Fake eyebrows, eyebrow pencils, wigs, hats, etc. The eyebrow pencil I got from them is amazing. It doesn't smudge at all and it stays on all day. The stuff I didn't use did not go to waste. I donated it to my chemo center so someone else could use it.
5) Wash your hands often and try to stay away from big crowds. I went to Century City during treatment because it was outside and I needed to do some shopping. I walked into one store and a woman was coughing up a storm, so I turned my ass right around and walked out. Just be more aware of sick people.
6) Try to get a bit of exercise in every day. This one was very tough for me because I got muscle pain and weakness, and later swollen feet and legs. I do have to say though, when I pushed myself to even walk Bert, I did feel better.
7) See a shrink. Do not be ashamed if you feel like you need a lil help, mentally. This is a huge deal and if you don't need a little help, then you may be a robot. I also found that writing this blog was a great source of therapy for me, along with talking to my actual wonderful therapist.
8) Stay positive and keep a sense of humor. I cannot tell you how much these 2 things helped me get through it. Breast cancer is not a death sentence. You will get through it, but if you are a Negative Nelly the whole time and feel sorry for yourself, it's going to be a hell of a lot harder. Make jokes about your bald head. Let people know you are enjoying the water weight you gained. Laughter is the best medicine, especially during chemo.
I am going to add to this post as I remember some good tips, but those are the main ones that helped me get through chemo. I've said it before, but it is do-able. It's not as awful these days because there are so many drugs/remedies you can take to ease an unpleasant side effect.
Every single person has a different experience when going through chemo. What may happen to one person, may not happen to you. Below is a list of tips I have come up with from my experience.
1) Do NOT look ANYTHING up online. I repeat, do not go on the Internet. I cannot stress that enough. All the Internet will do is make you crazy and you'll start to bring on side effects just by power of suggestion. The Internet is not your doctor.
2) I chose not to speak to too many people who had gone through chemo for breast cancer at first because I didn't want to hear their horror stories. I think it was a smart move for me, however, some people feel better talking to someone who has gone through it. And that is 100% okay. I chose not to join any support groups because I was just afraid of what I'd hear.
3) Do let people do things for you and do not feel bad about asking. I had a hard time with this at first. I didn't want anyone to feel bad for me and I didn't want to be helpless. But there are just some days when you don't want to get out of bed or you don't have the energy to do a thing. If a friend wants to buy you lunch, shoooooot, let them! You can get them back later. They want to help you and do this for you. And, you would do it for them.
4) Be as prepared as possible before starting chemo. Some people, including myself, would say I was a little too prepared, but it took a ton of stress off of me. I made sure to purchase my wig before I lost my hair. For me, I didn't want to go into a wig shop totally bald and try wigs on in front of people. I also bought a ton of scarves and hats. I bought sunscreen, eyebrow pencils and makeup, any drugs my doctor suggested or prescribed. I had a whole bag of stuff. I put together a chemo kit that I carried in my purse which consisted of hand sanitizer, hand sanitizing wipes, sunscreen, a thermometer and tissues. I used the hand sanitizer the most. I got a ton of stuff from Headcovers Unlimited (http://www.headcovers.com/). They have everything. Fake eyebrows, eyebrow pencils, wigs, hats, etc. The eyebrow pencil I got from them is amazing. It doesn't smudge at all and it stays on all day. The stuff I didn't use did not go to waste. I donated it to my chemo center so someone else could use it.
5) Wash your hands often and try to stay away from big crowds. I went to Century City during treatment because it was outside and I needed to do some shopping. I walked into one store and a woman was coughing up a storm, so I turned my ass right around and walked out. Just be more aware of sick people.
6) Try to get a bit of exercise in every day. This one was very tough for me because I got muscle pain and weakness, and later swollen feet and legs. I do have to say though, when I pushed myself to even walk Bert, I did feel better.
7) See a shrink. Do not be ashamed if you feel like you need a lil help, mentally. This is a huge deal and if you don't need a little help, then you may be a robot. I also found that writing this blog was a great source of therapy for me, along with talking to my actual wonderful therapist.
8) Stay positive and keep a sense of humor. I cannot tell you how much these 2 things helped me get through it. Breast cancer is not a death sentence. You will get through it, but if you are a Negative Nelly the whole time and feel sorry for yourself, it's going to be a hell of a lot harder. Make jokes about your bald head. Let people know you are enjoying the water weight you gained. Laughter is the best medicine, especially during chemo.
I am going to add to this post as I remember some good tips, but those are the main ones that helped me get through chemo. I've said it before, but it is do-able. It's not as awful these days because there are so many drugs/remedies you can take to ease an unpleasant side effect.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
When HAIRY Met Sally
Guess what guys???? My hair is slowly starting to grow back!!! I can see a tiny bit of growth on my legs and arms, under my right arm (I probably won't see growth under my left arm until after radiation) and one other place, that frankly, is none of your business. My lashes and brows look a bit fuller and I'm starting to get a bit of patchy fuzz on my head, like a newborn. Right now, it looks a bit darker than my hair was before it fell out but it's really too soon to tell what color it will be. I'm just glad I am FINALLY seeing some sort of growth. It's been 5 weeks of frustration. I never thought I'd be so happy to have hairy legs...
Go Showty, It's Your Birfday
For the past couple of years, we have gone to Palm Springs for my birthday. I love it there. It's so relaxing. This year, however, we decided not to go because it is soooooo hot and I can't really be in the sun while having radiation and I am not comfortable going without my wig yet. I was actually really sad about it. I wanted to do something though. I completed chemo like a champ and I wanted to celebrate.
My parents took me, John and my bro to Solvang for the weekend. I wasn't sure how I'd feel. My leg muscles are still pretty sore and weak and I can't really drink. But I didn't care. I needed to get out of my apartment, even if it was to sit in a hotel room for 2 days.
We had a nice, relaxing time. John and I stayed in the private cottage at Wine Valley Inn and it was great. We had our own kitchenette, fireplace, patio and hot tub AND we got to bring Bert. We went to our favorite restaurant, Succulent Cafe twice. We had Mexican food and a really nice, organic dinner for my birthday at Root 246. My parents surprised me with a red velvet cake (yes a whole cake), which was delicious. We went to Sarloos and Sons/Enjoy Cupcakes in Los Olivos and had cupcakes while drinking wine. I allowed myself half a glass.
I also got some great gifts. My parents paid for our cottage complete with a gift basket from them for me, and they got me a bunch of gift cards. My bro got me tix to Bruno Mars at the Staples Center and I cannot wait! And John got me tix for the Lion King musical at the Pantages. Again, I cannot wait.
I was very tired most of the time and took a lot of naps, and my legs were weak and sore, but I am glad we went and it was a wonderful birthday.
Here's hoping 39 is a tad better than 38 :)
My parents took me, John and my bro to Solvang for the weekend. I wasn't sure how I'd feel. My leg muscles are still pretty sore and weak and I can't really drink. But I didn't care. I needed to get out of my apartment, even if it was to sit in a hotel room for 2 days.
We had a nice, relaxing time. John and I stayed in the private cottage at Wine Valley Inn and it was great. We had our own kitchenette, fireplace, patio and hot tub AND we got to bring Bert. We went to our favorite restaurant, Succulent Cafe twice. We had Mexican food and a really nice, organic dinner for my birthday at Root 246. My parents surprised me with a red velvet cake (yes a whole cake), which was delicious. We went to Sarloos and Sons/Enjoy Cupcakes in Los Olivos and had cupcakes while drinking wine. I allowed myself half a glass.
I also got some great gifts. My parents paid for our cottage complete with a gift basket from them for me, and they got me a bunch of gift cards. My bro got me tix to Bruno Mars at the Staples Center and I cannot wait! And John got me tix for the Lion King musical at the Pantages. Again, I cannot wait.
I was very tired most of the time and took a lot of naps, and my legs were weak and sore, but I am glad we went and it was a wonderful birthday.
Here's hoping 39 is a tad better than 38 :)
Monday, July 8, 2013
Sometimes Even Fonzie Loses His Cool
Last night, I kinda lost my cool. I have been more emotional lately, and I'm guessing it's because the chemo screws up your hormones temporarily. Usually it's for a good reason, like I am frustrated about my hair or I'm tired of my muscles being sore. Last night, it was not for a good reason. I can laugh at it now, and I am hoping you will too.
So as some of you know, I am off dairy (for the most part). There's a non-dairy/non-soy cheese called Daiya. It kinda tastes like cheese, but nothing beats the real thing. I decided to make a healthy quesadilla last night with spelt tortillas, Daiya cheese, spinach and the last of our salsa. I was so excited about it. I was starving. After it was done, I put it on a plate and threw it on my bed to cool down while I put clothes away. The clothes are in the closet and I turn around to grab my dinner and Lola (my cat) is standing on the quesadilla, licking it. I lost it. I turned into a full-on psycho. I yelled at Lola, picked up the quesadilla and threw it in the trash and started screaming and crying. I think I scared John. I was so enraged that she ruined my dinner. John felt awful and offered to go get me food, but I had lost my appetite and didn't want anything so I just ate rice with peas.
Needless to say, I woke up today and felt like a giant asshole. I know I can't help it right now and this is all "normal," but come on. I had a stupid moment of weakness, which I am allowed right now, but I felt ridiculous. Lesson of the day: Lola likes quesadillas.
So as some of you know, I am off dairy (for the most part). There's a non-dairy/non-soy cheese called Daiya. It kinda tastes like cheese, but nothing beats the real thing. I decided to make a healthy quesadilla last night with spelt tortillas, Daiya cheese, spinach and the last of our salsa. I was so excited about it. I was starving. After it was done, I put it on a plate and threw it on my bed to cool down while I put clothes away. The clothes are in the closet and I turn around to grab my dinner and Lola (my cat) is standing on the quesadilla, licking it. I lost it. I turned into a full-on psycho. I yelled at Lola, picked up the quesadilla and threw it in the trash and started screaming and crying. I think I scared John. I was so enraged that she ruined my dinner. John felt awful and offered to go get me food, but I had lost my appetite and didn't want anything so I just ate rice with peas.
Needless to say, I woke up today and felt like a giant asshole. I know I can't help it right now and this is all "normal," but come on. I had a stupid moment of weakness, which I am allowed right now, but I felt ridiculous. Lesson of the day: Lola likes quesadillas.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
This Lil' Piggy Got Painted
Today is the first time my toenails have been painted since February. I wanted to wait a month after chemo to paint them just in case they turned brown or fell off (sometimes that happens post-chemo). But I think I am out of the woods (at least I hope so). It feels good to have my pretty feet back. On a side-note, I can't believe I am a month done with chemo!!!
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Brow Wow Wow
I don't want to count my chickens before they'vd hatched here, but i thiiiiiiiiink I see some eyebrow hair coming in. I also see a few new bottom lashes. I've been using Latisse on my brows and lashes for a couple weeks. Although I don't notice new growth on my top lashes, they do look longer. I'm hoping in the next few weeks, my full brows and boring lashes will be back to normal. Now if only the hair on my tiny head would start growing in...
Monday, July 1, 2013
First Day of Radiation
Had my first radiation session today. Of course I was nervous because it's new and it was the start of a daily visit to the Center for Radiation for the next 7 weeks. It was very easy. You pretty much lay on the table and they radiate you for maybe 3 minutes. The staff there is so amazing. Very kind and friendly. Before they started, the technician asked me what I wanted to listen to. I got so excited because they have satellite radio and could play anything I wanted. I asked her to throw on some Justin Timberlake to get this party started. She said no problem and "Cry Me A River" came on. It definitely made it less scary having music playing. I am not allowed to put on any lotions or deodorant before my appointment (thank goodness my natural scent is vanilla). When I am done with my session, I can put deodorant on and then I have to put Calendula lotion on the area to keep it hydrated and hopefully prevent my skin from burning. The biggest side effect is fatigue, but that usually doesn't happen til you are a couple weeks in, if at all. I can also get a bit of a sunburn, but it will go away once I am done. I have to keep my knocker out of the sun until I am done and I can't sit in a hot tub or hot bath. I also can't take any supplements that are high in antioxidants. I'll keep y'all posted on my progress.
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