A year ago today, I finished my last round of chemo. A year later, I am a week into the first round of 6 more infusions. Oddly, both are falling on Gay Pride Weekend. Last year I was feeling too sick to go enjoy the parade, but I am hoping by Sunday I feel well enough to walk down there for a bit. I love Pride Weekend and was so bummed I missed it last year.
I have thrown such a huge pity party for myself this time around. All I do is cry and feel sorry for myself. I wish I could snap out of it and be the warrior I was last year. Every little thing is making me sad. I just went to make an English muffin and there was mold on it and I lost it. Then I thought, "um have I been eating moldy muffins the past few days??"
My amazing man is in Boston for his college reunion and I am so sad I can't be there. There are so many things I am going to miss this Summer. Hell, my 40th birthday is the weekend after my 3rd infusion. How's that for sucky.
I promise I won't continue to post sad sap entries. It is like therapy to get it all out. I am hoping once I start to feel normal again, I'll be back to my old smart-ass self
Go ahead and get it out! This is your sounding board for any and all feelings. Maybe a fun party when this all wraps and you're feeling better again? XO
ReplyDeleteI concur...hopefully this forum is cathartic for you. You know this too shall pass. Also, hearing what you are going through makes me realize how much we take for granted, so many simple things in life, that we need to stop and realize the good when we have it. We will definitely celebrate your big 4-0 when you're ready!
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