A Little Setback

I went to see the nurse at the plastic surgeon's office today for a fill, like I do every week and there was a tiiiiiiiny hole where one of the stitches came out. Since I am at high risk for infection, they didn't want to take any chances, so she removed 50ccs of saline from my expander :( and then I had to have a really quick and painless procedure where they cut the skin around the hole and stitch it back up. I was crying in the room because this is a setback. Not only do I now need to wait 3 weeks to get another fill, but they took 50ccs out so I won't be done as soon as I thought. The funny part of all this is that we walked across the street to eat lunch and my surgeon was already over there eating hahaha.

Can You Pay My Fills, Can You Pay My Automofills

Had my 4th fill today. They only did 25 ccs instead of 50 ccs because they want to be extra careful since I was previously radiated. That's fine though.  I will need 2-3 more and then I am done. My boobs pretty much look the same size now. I thought it was going to take months and it's only been 6 weeks!! I still don't feel the fill, thankfully.

Also, I was going to go see Gone Girl today for $5 up at the Sundance Theater but a) it's raining and I don't feel like leaving the house again and b) I forgot that I hate going to movies. I have a weird illness where every single person in a movie theater annoys me. Also the smell of popcorn in a movie theater makes me nauseous. John is a lucky, lucky man.

Happy Tuesday!

The Turducken of Desserts

I have been wanting to make a form of this dessert for some time. I saw it on the Food Network. It's a pie baked inside of a cake!! You can do any flavor pie and any flavor cake. I decided to do a pumpkin pie inside of a chocolate cake for Thanksgiving. It's pretty easy. You need 2 boxes of cake mix and a store bought pie. Take a large springform pan and spray it with baking spray and wrap the outside with tin foil in case it leaks. Then put about an inch of cake batter in the pan. Then drop the pie in the middle and cover it with the rest of the cake batter. Put it in the oven at 350 til done. Mine took about 2 hours. It takes awhile because it's a lot of batter but it's worth it. I frosted it with chocolate frosting and added some whip cream after it was sliced.

3 Fills High And Rising

I had my 3rd fill today and like the other 2, I did not feel it. My boobs are almost the same size now and looking good!!!

Boob Fil A

Had my second fill today and it was just as easy and painless as the first one. She was able to put 50 ccs in this time since I did so well with 50 last time. Right now my left boob is at 160 ccs and my right is at 290, and if you are a star mathematician like I am, then you will know I only need 3 more fills to match the right one (if she does 50 each time). My second surgery to swap out the implant will most likely be in March and I will be able to go back to work in January. New knockers, here I come!

Fill 'Er Up

I got my first expander fill today. I didn't feel one bit of it. There's a lil metal opening on the expander. My doctor takes a magnetic thingy (I think that's the medical term for it) and finds the opening and makes a lil mark on my skin. Then she takes a very small needle filled with saline and sticks it on in and fills her up. I got 50 CCs today and I can notice a huge difference. Now my boobs are more symmetrical. She said I can come in every week to get it filled. At this rate, I may be able to get my implant swap much sooner than I thought!

We also got to visit our friends Frank and Darlene who just had a sweet baby girl yesterday. Madaleine Alexandria. She is beautiful and I was so glad we were able to go see her.

5 Years And Still Going

Tomorrow is our 5 year anniversary. I can't believe it's been that long already. It feels like we've always been together. I don't know what I would do without this amazing man in my life. He has helped me on so many levels and I love him dearly.

We decided to go to dinner tonight to celebrate. Our friend recommended a new place on La Cienega called Barton G. It was an experience unlike no other.  All the food was presented in an outrageous way. As you can see in the pictures below, the popcorn shrimp came in a popcorn machine, with popcorn!! The chicken dish came on a wooden serving platter with a giant metal bird. I highly recommend this place. You won't be disappointed.

This sweet note was on chocolate

Our dessert. Different pies in flower pots

John's meal...a chicken dish

Popcorn shrimp appetizer...in an old timey popcorn machine

Hey, Boo!

As I mentioned on my FB page, I was very sad this yesterday. I love Halloween and since I was still so sore and uncomfortable, it's the first Halloween in years that I did nothing. Didn't even think of a costume.  I love dressing up. I love eating sugary, spooky treats. I love going to work and seeing everyone's costumes and I love going to our friend's house to watch the husband scare the crap out of every trick-or-treater that comes to their door. But I had to make the best of the situation. I got a bag of mini Kit-Kats and John carved a Patriots logo into a pumpkin. We actually had fun. We sat outside and got to see a lot of our neighbors. John made a really good dinner (although I was too nauseous from antibiotics to eat most of it). And we ended the night by walking Bert down to SM Blvd and we got to see a bunch of people in costume. So it wasn't a total dud, just not what I'm used to.

Driving Miss Stacey

I got one of my drains out today. I stressed myself out real good last night and this morning thinking about it. It wasn't bad. It didn't hurt, just felt like a tiny snake being pulled out. My doctor was very gentle so I barely felt it. Hopefully I can get the other one out by Thursday. Once it is out, I think I'll be feeling much better. Still sore and stiff, but every day it gets a tiny bit better. My doctors are so wonderful and kind, which helps because if you know me, you know I am a hot busted stress case.

I can't drive yet so John had to drive me today. I sat in the back seat like Driving Miss Daisy, with a pillow between me and the seat belt. He has been such a trooper.

I got to see my knock knocks for the first time today. The right one looks pretty good. It's the one with the implant. The doc said it was a small C, which is nice because that's bigger than I was before all this nonsense. The left one still needs some TLC. It looks pretty awful but that's expected with reconstruction. I just need to be patient, which I am not.

As Time Goes By

A week ago today, I was in the operating room. It seems like just yesterday my breast surgeon was telling me that I would need a double mastectomy and now it's a week after having it done. Last week was such a blur (as you can see below). Soooo many people emailed and texted me and it's all so hazy. I hope I didn't say anything offensive to anyone. I feel like I was drunk for 5 days straight. They kept pumping me with pain meds and anti anxiety meds and at the time I felt like I was fully aware of everything but after talking to John last night, I realize there's a lot I don't recall haha. Oh well, I guess that's expected.

So it's been a week and I am still pretty sore. I am up and moving around, but very slowly. I still have drains. I will get one out tomorrow and probably the second one out a few days later. I have a sports bra on that I can't take off. I think once that comes off, I'll feel a bit of relief. It's most uncomfortable when I am sleeping because it hurts to be reclined.

I can't really fully see my boobs, but the right one looks pretty awesome from what I can see.  I'll have to be patient with the poor left one. I look forward to the day when I can wear a swimsuit again  or a low cut shirt.

We're All Stars Now In The Dope Show

So I am looking at my blog and I have no recollection of writing the post below this. I guess I was more drugged up than I thought hahaha. And who titles a post "Grey's Anatomy" anyway? So stupid.

Grey's Anatomy

I am sitting here in the hospital, day 4, watching Sex and the City and thought it would be a great time to blog.  My surgery went well. There were no signs of cancer and I couldn't be happier. I am healing pretty well so far. Not a ton of pain. I did get a lil pukey Monday but that's expected. I have a team of doctors and nurses waiting on my hand and foot, plus John. The food is bleh and I don't really have an appetite. I miss Bert and Lola and want my own bed but they don't want to send me home til they know I can walk on my own. I just get so tired so easily, but it's baby steps. They had to put an implant on my right side and an expander on the left, which is fine. It was the safest choice and I am okay with it. I will need a second surgery to swap the expander out for the implant probably in about 2 months, depending on how I am healing. I'm not in too much pain just yet. More updates as I heal :)

Healthy Food Can Be Delicious

I really try hard to eat healthy. Sometimes it's not easy. When I go out to dinner and there's a kale salad and spaghetti and meatballs on the menu, it's hard to make the healthier choice. I've been playing around with a recipe that I think is actually really tasty and extremely good for you. Check it out and if you give it a try, let me know what you think:

-Quinoa (as much or as little as you'd like)
-Some sort of vegetable- I usually use brussel sprouts, but this week there weren't any organic ones so I used kale. Spinach or asparagus would be great too. Again, as much or as little as you'd like.
-Handful of walnuts, roasted (almonds would also work great)
-Handful of goji berries (you could use raisins or golden berries or any dried fruit really)
-Turmeric
-Salt
-Pepper
-1 lemon
Make the quinoa as directed on the package and do a rough chop on the nuts and pop them in the oven til you can smell them. If you are using brussel sprouts or asparagus, chop them up and pop em in the oven with the nuts and a bit of olive oil and salt and pepper.  With the kale, I just chopped it up and added it to the warm quinoa to wilt. After the quinoa is done, mix in the roasted nuts and vegetables and add the goji berries, salt, pepper and turmeric to taste (you can add whatever spices you'd like).  Then squeeze the juice of one lemon in that bad boy and voila! You have a healthy dish.

The Happiest Place On Earf

John and I went to Disneyland/California Adventure today and we had a blast. I LOVE Disneyland during Halloween-time. They do it up right. They turn the Haunted Mansion into Nightmare Before Christmas and put pumpkin stuff all over the park. I was so sad I wouldn't be able to go this year but I was feeling good and wanted a to have a fun time before my surgery on Monday so we went. We ate nothing but crap and I loved every minute of it. The crowd wasn't too bad and the weather was just right. I had a beanie on and had to take it off a few times in the bathroom because I was hot, but for the most part, it wasn't bad. The only ride we didn't get to go on because the wait was 2 hours was Radiator Springs Racers at Cali Adventure. The line is always so long for that ride and we never want to wait.  And now I will rest my feet and watch Wendy Williams.

John on California Screamin'

John with a goat in the Disney petting zoo

You Down With Pre-Op (Yeah You Know Me)

I had a great pre-op appointment today. My plastic surgeon and my breast surgeon were both in the room (they work together) and said my left breast looks much better than it did last time and there is a chance they will be able to put implants in at the time of my mastectomy!!! They won't know until they are actually operating but the fact that it is a possibility made me feel so much better.  I got to try implants on (in my bra) and I think I am going to go for the full B, small C if possible. I don't feel as nervous about the surgery now. I am more excited to get brand new boobs. They will take some time to settle and look the way I want them to but they can't look much worse than they do right now. My surgery date is October 20 and I will be in the hospital for a couple of days.  I will keep everyone abreast of my situation (see what I did there).

Mom's Feeling Better (Anyone Get That Reference??)

I'm finally starting to feel better. This weekend is the first weekend since May that I have plans. Yesterday John and I went to Placentia to visit one of my best friends and her hubby in their new amazing townhouse. I didn't want to leave.

Then last night we went to a friend's birthday party at a local bar. It was so great seeing everyone and being around humans.

Today we are going to visit our friends and their dog Trixie, who I am in love with. After that, we are heading to my cousin's son's first birthday party.

I am tired but I am so grateful I am feeling well enough to get the hell out of this house

On The Good News Lollipop

Some good news, FINALLY! My petscan yesterday came back A-OK. Still no cancer anywhere else in my body. My left breast lit up a bit but not nearly as much as it did in May and it may not be cancer, it could just be scar tissue from my lumpectomy.

I also started using Latisse on my brows and lashes last night. Yay. I am sooo anxious to see if it works. Last time, my eyebrows didn't really grow back and my lashes were lame, but I didn't use anything to help them grow.

For the first time since May, I have a full weekend of seeing friends and family and I cannot wait!!!

Let The Countdown Begin

Tomorrow will mark 20 days until the 1st of 3 surgeries. I will be  a third of the way to being Miss New Boobs. I am excited and nervous as hell. I have never had an inpatient surgery where I have had to stay in the hospital so I am anxious, but I have actually heard a few stories of women who are up and running a week later. Fingers crossed that I follow their lead. Let's do this October 20th!

The Expanders: Starring Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham

I had 2 plastic surgery consults this week. They both told me pretty much the same thing. Since I had radiation, I will need expanders. The skin is compromised and weak so they can't just shove implants in there right off the bat. They need to stretch the skin slowly. I'm bummed but it is what it is and I rather do it safely. The good thing about expanders is I can choose my size. I do not have a surgery date yet. I need to choose a doctor and then I will go from there. After my appt yesterday I had a breakdown because it was a lot of information and very overwhelming. The doctor today made me feel better about it. The good news is Thursday is my last chemo. I am trying to take it one day at a time and focus on one ridiculous thing instead of 800.  Oh and I cried at the end of Bachelor in Paradise last night, so there's that.

Finally Seeing An End To The Madness

This week is going to be a good one. Tomorrow I have my consult with the plastic surgeon to see what size knock knocks I can get and hopefully when my surgery will be. Then Thursday is my last chemo. I will still have to go every 3 weeks for Herceptin until May, but that's not a chemo drug. I won't feel like shit and my hair will grow back during that time.  I am not looking forward to feeling like caca after Thurs but knowing it will be the last time helps. Last time I didn't feel as crappy after my last infusion because I was so happy I was done. Just goes to show how a positive attitude helps. Stay tuned for updates on my blouse clowns...

Happy Birfday Lil Bro

Today is kinda a tough one for me. It is my brother's birthday and I feel like ass so I can't celebrate with him. Also, a year ago this weekend we were all in Big Bear celebrating me being cancer free. Just goes to show that you never know what tomorrow will bring so live each day to the fullest. Wake up every day happy and excited and don't stress about what you can't control.

Done With August

21 days left of this bs. One treatment left. Done with August.

On Sept 8, I go for my plastic surgeon consult to see what she can do with my mess of a chest. I'm actually kinda excited. I never thought I'd have fake boobs.

I am not looking forward to the next week, but I am also glad I only have one left. This past round was bad for a little over a week and then I started to feel better. I still had days of feeling icky but it wasn't as bad as the last round. Here's hopin' this round is the same.

Time to lay in bed and get waited on by John :)

R.I.P. Candy Dapple

After 16 wonderful years, my parents put our sweet lil' Dachshund, Candy, down this evening. It was not an easy decision, obviously, and we are all heartbroken. Her health had been declining the past few months. She had kidney problems, back problems, seizures, she couldn't see or hear well...I guess just the normal health problems and older dog gets. He quality of life wasn't good. Luckily they were able to have someone come to the house and do it. It was peaceful and fast.

My parents got her when she was a puppy. They went to the wiener dog farm (that's what I call it) to pick one out to bring home. Candy came out of the kitchen with a wooden spoon she had just gotten from the dishwasher and my dad said, "That's the one. Wrap her up." She's what you call a Dapple and the owners named her "Candy Dapple." My parents stuck with the Candy part but dropped the Dapple. She was very smart and very intuitive. She could tell when my parents were about to go on a trip and would freak out.  Or if they were just going out for the night, she'd sense it and go get in her bed before they could tell her. She was great on walks and was super affectionate. She actually was a bit of a daddy's girl.

A few months after getting her, they decided to adopt Louie, also a dachshund who looks more like a Jack Russel Terrier. He's slightly younger than Candy but acts like a puppy. He will be sad to lose his sister and best friend.

Dogs bring so much joy and happiness to people's lives, but they certainly don't live long enough. I'm going to write a letter to the Dog Fairy and tell her to make dogs live longer so humans don't have to suffer.

R.I.P Candy. We love you!

You Had Me In Stitches

Here's some shocking news. I made something way worse in my head than it actually was. I had a second lumpectomy back in May and because I was starting chemo soon after, my surgeon had to use real stitches, in addition to dissolvable stitches to insure the wound would not open up.  She wanted to keep them in longer than normal because of the chemo but I persuaded her to keep them in until today...almost 3 months after surgery. I have never had stitches removed and I was so scared it was going to hurt. Then I had an "a-ha moment." In 2 months, I am going to be having major surgery. I'm pretty sure I will have breast drains that will need to be removed and if I am not brave enough to get a few stitches removed, how the hell am I going to get drains removed. So I manned up and told her to rip em out today. Guess what guys, I barely felt it. Maybe a tiiiiiny bit of stinging, but not at all what I thought it was going to be.  And what are a few stitches compared to what I've been through the past 2 years. I was such a ding-dong about it and it was not a big deal at all.

Fo' Down Fo' Sheezy

Four down, 2 to go. I was there a looong time today because I had to meet with my doctor.  I got there at 9am and left at 4:30 pm. I am exhausted from the Bendaryl and already feel kinda nauseous. But I see a light at the end of the tunnel with 4 under my belt and only 2 more to go. We watched a movie and got free Tommy's for lunch so it wasn't bad. I go back tomorrow for hydration which is only 2 hours and then I am free for the next 3 weeks. Thank you to everyone for all of the kind posts and texts. It helps a ton!

2 Celebs and Cupcakes

This morning was very productive. I had a follow up appointment with my awesome surgeon, who always makes me feel better about what I'm going through. Afterwards, John and I decided to get some breakfast at Le Pain Quotidien in Beverly Hills since it was right around the block. We sit down and John says, "Um Jamie Lee Curtis is at that booth over there." She sure was and she looked stunning.  We tried to pretend we weren't staring at her while we ordered our food. She gets up to leave and not 2 seconds later Elizabeth Berkley (of Saved By The Bell and Showgirls fame) walks in with her lil boy. She was  a little odd though. She wanted to sit in a certain section and kept asking people if they would move. I think it was so her lil boy could sit in a booth, but it was still weird. One guy did offer his seat and then continued to talk to her for a good 20 minutes. She was kinda loud and part of me wondered if she wanted to be recognized. Her child was adorable and she actually looked pretty good herself. After breakfast, we wandered across the street to Sprinkles where we got a cupcake for each of us and one for Bert. This is the most I have done since Friday.

This is pretty much what she looked like. Super long straight blonde hair

This is pretty much how she looked as well.

This Is 40

Today is my 40th birthday. Instead of celebrating in Palm Springs like I had originally planned, I am in bed recuperating after my 3rd chemo treatment. I have to keep telling myself that sometimes life throws some curve balls at you and you just have to deal with them. I have gotten so much love and support this week/weekend. People have sent me beautiful cards and flowers and gifts. John has been amazing. From going to Sharky's at 9pm Friday night because I was craving a burrito to running to the Bagel Broker yesterday morning because mama wanted a biali. He also decorated the living room with banners and balloons and surprised me with lunch, cupcakes and the Michael Kors watch I wanted!I have the best man in all the land!

My bday lunch from Mendocino Farms

My new watch!!

Cupcakes!

Bertie with my caution cone on his noggin'

Flowers and balloons for my bday!

Huge 40 balloons

Of course we had to try to put the cone on Lola's head (while Bert watched)

Meet Me Halfway, Across The Sky

I am halfway done with my treatments. I will still need Herceptin through May but that's not a chemo drug and my hair will grow back during that time. As sucky as I always feel after, it does go by fast. I will be done September 11, then most likely having surgery a month later. I brought some "healthy" cookies for the nurses today for my birthday. It felt like when I was a kid and my mom would bring cupcakes to class for my special day. I had to get my full dose of Benadryl today and it knocked me right on my arse. The second I got home I went to bed for 4 hours. I woke up to John coming home from the store with flowers for me :) What a lovely way to wake up. I do feel a bit nauseous already but I think it's because I haven't really eaten a ton today. I am trying to eat and drink water and I am doing magnet acutherapy on pressure points for nausea. Hoping it works. Tomorrow I get hydration!

Just a sample of what my IV looks like on infusion days

El Encanto, Santa Barbara

My 40th birthday is this Sunday. Originally I had a whole Palm Springs trip planned but life happened and I had to make some adjustments. We decided to go up to Santa Barbara for the night this past Monday right before my next treatment and while I am still feeling somewhat okay. We stayed at the El Encanto (http://www.belmond.com/el-encanto-santa-barbara/). It was absolutely amazing. They agreed to waive the cancellation fee if I woke up the day of and didn't feel well. We got to the hotel and the staff couldn't have been nicer. They upgraded our room and brought me a chocolate mousse cake thing that said "Happy Birthday" on it. We lay by the pool, ate a ton, napped and relaxed. It was perfect. We were able to bring Bert and they had a doggie bed, food and bowls for him. Today I started to feel a bit anxious, and I think it's because my next treatment is Thursday. I am really sad that I will be spending my 40th birthday in bed, but I am grateful we got to get away for a night to celebrate.

They gave us pillow cases with the first letters of our last names

Chillin' by the pool

Bert sunning himself on our patio

View from our diner table

For Every Season, Churn, Churn, Churn Your Own Almond Butter

GUYS! I just made my own almond butter and it took no time at all. I had a bag of organic, unsalted almonds in my cabinet which I threw in the food processor for about 5 minutes and BOOM almond butter. I saw the recipe on www.detoxinista.com. She said hers took about 20 minutes so I was prepared to be patient but it seriously took 5 minutes, maybe less. I also didn't use as many almonds as she did, which may be why it didn't take long. I added a touch of sea salt and dipped some apples in that shit. The problem I have with buying pre-made, organic almond butter is I feel like it goes bad before I can eat it all. This way, I can buy a small quantity of almonds and enjoy the butter before it expires.

Baby, You're A Firework

My 4th of July was uneventful, but I was okay with it. John was in Cape Cod with his family, so it was just me, Bert and Lola. I was invited to a BBQ, but I can't be in the sun and even in the shade, it's just too hot with my wig. I also didn't really feel like being social. I bought a bunch of food and cooked all day. Cooking/baking is like therapy for me. I am on a healthy recipe kick right now. Some of them have turned out great like the eggplant lasagna in the previous post. Others have turned out crappy like the blueberry crisp I made that has 0 sugar. As much as I am trying to stay away from sugar right now, sometimes a recipe calls for it. So the animals and I watched a Real Housewives of New Jersey marathon, ate food and watched fireworks out my bedroom window.

What made me feel the best is all my friends who have checked in on me the past few days, knowing John was out of town. They offered to bring me food or keep me company and I was so touched. I have such a great support system. I have friends I haven't talked to in years who check in on me weekly, which is amazing. Although I am a bit more of a hermit this time around and not feeling as social, I still appreciate people checking in. It means so much to me. If you are reading this, you know who you are :)

Healthy Lasagna

My pal Stacie inspired me to put this recipe on my blog. I try to eat as healthy as possible and I am always looking for new and fun recipes to try. I don't eat dairy (for the most part) and I keep hearing that grains aren't as good for you as we thought. I found a noodle-less, dairy-free lasagna recipe that I tried yesterday and you would never know those 2 things were missing. It was soo good and I can't stop eating it. I improvised a bit by adding the veggies I liked and adding grass-fed ground beef.

Here's the recipe (please note, I used all organic ingredients):
2-3 eggplants (Since I was just cooking for me, I made a small batch of it, but I'd recommend using 3 eggplants if you are making the dish for 2 or more)
1 zucchini (Again, you can adjust quantity)
1 container of shitake mushrooms
1 jar of tomato sauce
1/2 pound of grass-fed ground beef
1 bag of mozzarella Daiya cheese
Olive oil
Salt
Pepper
Thyme
Oregano
Pre-heat your oven to 350. Slice the eggplant into pretty thin strips, lengthwise, and brush with olive oil. Then sprinkle, salt, pepper, thyme and oregano. Throw them in the oven til they are brown and soft. Meanwhile brown the ground beef with the same seasonings you put on the eggplant  and when it's done, add a bit of the tomato sauce. Saute the mushrooms and zucchini in a bit of olive oil and add the same seasonings you put on the eggplant.  Put a little bit of tomato sauce on the bottom of a baking dish. Put one layer of eggplant, then add all the ground beef, all the veggies and some Daiya cheese. Then, add another layer of eggplant, another layer of sauce and top it off with the remaining Daiya cheese. You can do as many layers as you want. Throw it in the oven at 350 for about 30-45 minutes until the sauce is bubbling and the cheese has melted. Take it out of the oven and enjoy!

Wu-Tang Forever

I am a week into my second infusion and I definitely feel better than the first one but still not as "good" as I did my first time around, over a year ago. Right now, the worst of it is my mouth feels like a giant asshole and I am having digestion issues. I saw my oncologist yesterday (who hugged me 3 times. Jealous much?) and she said my bloodwork looked great and she's giving me some sort of patch for nausea for my next round in 2 weeks.  I had a craving for Cheerios last night and John went to Whole Foods at 9pm to get me an organic box of them. I don't know what I'd do without him. I am going to be working with an acupuncturist to help with my other side effects. He helped me last time, so I'm confident he can help me this time around.

Neulasta? More Like NOlasta

Had my hydration and Neulasta shot today. I've mentioned it several times before but that Neulasta shot is a killer. It makes you achy and feel fluish. I'm going to be a fluish Jewish girl this weekend. Thank you I'll be here all week folks. This round was easier but I still don't feel great. I'm very full of fluids, which means I'm very bloated. My face is puffy and any food or beverage sounds gross but if I don't eat or drink, I get nauseous. It's all very chicken and egg. Hopefully the next week won't be as bad as last time, but the bright side is I am done with 2 and only have 4 more!

2 Chainz and 2 Down

Today I had my second infusion. It went a lot more smoothly than the first. They cut my Benadryl does in half, so I wasn't as groggy. They gave me a really strong anti-nausea med in my IV. I had a new, wonderful nurse whose beautiful name was Stacey. I am hoping this all means that this round won't produce as many awful side effects as last time. I am armed with remedies if I start to feel shit-tastic. I was there from 9-4 and John sat with me the whole time. We played Head's Up and watched TV. It goes by fast for me, but it's got to be rough for him to sit there that long. I appreciate him more than I can express.
2 down, 4 to go. Then BOOBIES.

Julian, CA

I wanted to take a lil overnight trip before my next chemo and while I was still feeling somewhat okay. I suggested my favorite go-to destination, Solvang. I can't drink so it probably wouldn't be as much fun. John suggested Julian, CA. He's suggested it before. It's in the mountains above San Diego. About an hour from Temecula. A tiny little gold-mining town known for their apple crop. We stayed at a quaint hotel that allowed dogs, so we were able to bring Bert. It was super mellow and just what I needed. It took us about 2 hours and 45 minutes to get there. We checked in and then walked around the town and got some lunch. Then we came back to the hotel and napped and then went for a really good dinner at this organic restaurant that had a lady singing songs and playing guitar. The next day we got a tasty breakfast and I grabbed an apple dumpling to go. They are known for their apples so I couldn't not get one. It was the perfect get-away!

Shot of the old western-looking town

Our breakfast spot

Our hotel

Shave And A Haircut, 2 Bits

Welp. My head is shaved like GI Jane. This time was a bit harder. I was getting used to my short hair-do and I don't want to have to wait 900 years for it to grow back again. However, I knew I had to take the power away from the cancer/chemo and shave it before it fell out.  Truth be told, with enough eye makeup, it doesn't look awful. It just looks like a shaved head right now. In a few days, I will look like a cancer patient. It did take some stress off my plate though. It's no fun waiting for your hair to fall out. Now I won't have to wonder when it will happen.

Sitting in the chair about to get shaved

Hair Update

A few more hairs are coming out when I run my fingers through it now. Sooo I'm guessing I'll be shaving it Tuesday or Wednesday. Stay tuned...

Hair Thoughts

During my last round of chemo, my hair started to majorly shed about a week and a half after my first infusion and I shaved it 2 weeks in. This Thursday, it will be 2 weeks since my infusion and I am not shedding at all.  Is it possible I am not going to lose my hair this time? Is that wishful thinking? Probably. All my doctors said I would lose my hair but it's interesting that it hasn't started falling out yet. If my hair doesn't fall out, I am buying all of you a cupcake.

Update: I ran my fingers through my hair this morning and a few came out. I know that seems like normal hair loss but since my hair has grown back, no hairs come out when I run my hands through it so I'm guessing it's starting.

Baby's Day Out

I actually spent a good amount of the day today outside of the house. I was exhausted, but that's about it. It was good for me to get out. We had lunch with a friend of John's at The Avalon Hotel in Beverly Hills, where we saw Elijah Wood. After that, we ran some errands and visited a friend and his new puppy.  I am extremely tired but I'll take it over the nausea and stomach problems. Hopefully I'll gradually start to feel better...until my next infusion.

Elijah Wood at The Avalon

John and Ruby

I Made It!

I am pleased to announce that I made it to the Gay Pride Parade today. I was so happy, I almost started crying. It was soooooooooooo great to get out of the house for an hour and a half and be around people in the fresh air and sun. I brought my Hello Kitty umbrella since I can't be directly in the sun and it worked like a charm. I saw some amazing floats and some inspiring human beings. Equality is awesome!

Stop Stressing About Other Peoples' Experiences

I am a prime example of why you should never look anything up on the Internet or listen to anyone but your doctor when you are going through an illness.  When I first went through chemo, it was tough at times, sure, but it was nothing like what I've been going through this past week. Every person is different and every drug has different side effects. My experience has been very different this time around. I can't even go by my own chemo experience. So if you take nothing else from what I've been going through,  just remember this one thing: Your situations are just that, your own! No matter what it is. An illness, a pregnancy, a surgery, etc. Just because one person feels something during their experience doesn't mean you will.

Pity Party For One

A year ago today, I finished my last round of chemo. A year later, I am a week into the first round of 6 more infusions. Oddly, both are falling on Gay Pride Weekend. Last year I was feeling too sick to go enjoy the parade, but I am hoping by Sunday I feel well enough to walk down there for a bit. I love Pride Weekend and was so bummed I missed it last year.

I have thrown such a huge pity party for myself this time around. All I do is cry and feel sorry for myself. I wish I could snap out of it and be the warrior I was last year. Every little thing is making me sad. I just went to make an English muffin and there was mold on it and I lost it. Then I thought, "um have I been eating moldy muffins the past few days??"

My amazing man is in Boston for his college reunion and I am so sad I can't be there.  There are so many things I am going to miss this Summer. Hell, my 40th birthday is the weekend after my 3rd infusion. How's that for sucky.

I promise I won't continue to post sad sap entries. It is like therapy to get it all out. I am hoping once I start to feel normal again, I'll be back to my old smart-ass self

Day One And Done

Finished my first of 6 rounds of chemo. 5 left. This one was a bit longer. I was there from 9 til about 4 because they have to administer some of the drugs super slow the first time. I didn't have any reactions, thank god. They gave me some Benadryl through my IV in case I had an allergic reaction, and wouldn't you know it, that's what made me feel the loopiest. I got crazy tired and then crazy anxious. I took an Ativan and it all calmed down. I had John by my side the whole time. We played Scrabble and watched Friends and Seinfeld and ordered lunch. I am not looking forward to how I am going to feel this weekend but at least I have one under my belt.

It's A Black Fly In Your Chardonnay

As I was drawing on my eyebrows today, I noticed they look a bit thicker. They look like they are coming back. How ironic, seeing as how I am probably going to lose them in a few weeks.

A Letter To Breast Cancer

Dear BC (we are tight enough now, that I feel I can call you BC),

If you don't stop stalking my life on the boardwalk, I am going to have to get a restraining order.

Best,
Stacey

The Cancer Came Back The Very Next Day

I am sure you have all heard that my breast cancer came back. Thankfully it has not spread. But I do have to go through another round of chemo and now I need a mastectomy. For about a week I was in shock. I was without words. I sat in my room and cried and hated life. Then I went back into fighter mode. I already had my port put back in my arm (which wasn't nearly as painful or scary as the first time) and I start chemo Thursday. It will be the same 2 drugs (Taxotere and Cytoxan) plus 2 additional drugs, which aren't technically chemo drugs and have very minimal side effects, if any. I will lose my hair again and already have a sassy wig.  I am ready to do this and get through it like a champ. In trying to look at the light at the end of the tunnel, I am excited I will have 2 brand new boobs. Mine are so disfigured and not me anymore. And truth be told, it will be kinda fun to have fake knockers. But that's not until at least October. One day at a time. Right now I am focusing on getting through chemo. My only regret right now is that I had a lumpectomy instead of a mastectomy the first time around. There is a good chance I wouldn't be going through this a second time had I opted for the mastectomy. Lesson learned

ER (Not the Popular TV Show)

I landed myself in the ER last night, folks. Good times. I was super nauseous and pukey and had a bit of a fever and my surgeon wanted me to go to the ER and get hydrated. I got there and they told me it was a 3-4 hour wait. I told them I couldn't wait that long. They looked at my chart and saw my cancer history and bumped me up to the top of the list. 5 minutes later I was in a room. They put an IV in and gave me fluids, anti-nausea meds and a painkiller. They did bloodwork and a urine test and an X-ray  and it all looked fine. Once the anti-nausea meds kicked in, I was good to go home. I was there for 4 hours total. John sat in the room with me the whole time. It wasn't fun and it was 100 times worse than chemo. I feel better today. Not 100% but much better. I'm able to keep food down. I can't wait for the day when I am totally back to normal :)

Just A Lil Surgery

I had to have minor surgery yesterday. I got an infection from radiation that caused and abscess on my breast. It hurt and it looked disgusting and I was a Debbie Downer for about 3 weeks.  The procedure was quick and my surgeon is an amazing woman. Now I am recovering and in pain but nothing a little Vicodin can't help :) I'm ready to feel like a normal girl again!

Unbe-weave-able

Before I started chemo, I had asked my hair gal how long my hair would have to be to get extensions. She said the hair needed to be about 3 inches for it to look good. Well my friends, today my hair was long enough for extensions!! I am so excited. I just got them in my bangs to give that area a bit of length while the rest is growing out. They look so natural and match my hair perfectly. I love them.

After and I have no clue what is on my lip

Before

Putting Things Into Perspective

I have been sick as hell since Monday night with a sinus infection. It started out as a sore throat and I couldn't tell if it was allergies or acid reflux, but but Monday night, I knew I was getting sick. Today is the first day I have felt somewhat better but I'm still not 100%. And to top it off, my antibiotics made me puke. My point is this. I have felt worse this week than I did during chemo, which is why I have always said chemo is do-able. It's crappy for a few days after treatments but then it subsides. I never puked during chemo. I never got a sore throat. I never had disgusting phlegm. I never had sinus pressure. The good news is I have caught up on all my Will and Grace reruns.

#100happydays

There is something really fun circling Social Media right now. It's called 100 Happy Days. Every day, for 100 days, you post something that makes you happy and add the hashtag "#100happydays." It can be a picture, a quote, a word...whatever makes you happy. I am only posting to my Instagram, but people are posting on Facebook, Twitter, etc.  One of my buddies is also asking people to tag "#teamqueenbhappydays."  She is very inspiring and keeps people motivated to post their happy pictures. Below are 2 of my photos that I have posted that make me happy. To follow my 100 Happy Days, type in teenytinystacey on Instagram and BOOM.

Who Wrote The Book Of Mormon

John surprised me with tickets to Book of Mormon tonight. I've been wanting to see it for such a long time and was sooooo excited when he told me we were going. It didn't disappoint. It was beyond hilarious. I did not expect to laugh as hard as I did. The acting and music were amazing. It was so inappropriate and not pc at all, which made it that much better. And during intermission, I saw my old friend Derek in the lobby! I highly recommend seeing it if you get the chance

So gangster

Thanks For Making Me A Fighter

**Cancer is the man in this version

After all you put me through
You'd think I'd despise you
But in the end I wanna thank you
'Cause you made that much stronger

Well I thought I knew you
Thinking that you were true
Guess I, I couldn't trust called your bluff
Time is up, 'cause I've had enough

You were there by my side
Always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out in shame, mmm hmm

After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that
I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong

'Cause if it wasn't for all
That you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never saw it coming
All of your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in on a good thing
Before I'd realized your game

I heard you're going 'round
Playin' the victim now
But don't even begin feelin' I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave

After all of the fights and the lies
Guess you're wanting to harm me
But that won't work anymore
No more, uh uh, it's over

'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now
And never back down
So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this man I thought I know
Turn out to be unjust so cruel?
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to see the truth

You tried to hide your lies
Disguise yourself through
Living in denial
But in the end you'll see
You won't stop me

I am a fighter
(I'm a fighter)
I ain't gonna stop
(I ain't gonna stop)
There is no turning back
I've had enough

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Thought I would forget
But I, I remember
Yes I remember
I'll remember

Thought I would forget
But I remember
Yes I remember
I'll remember

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Christina Aguilera - Fighter

St. Baldrick's Foundation

St. Baldrick's is an organization driven solely by volunteers to help find cures for childhood cancers. Every year they have an event at the Happy Ending to raise money for the cause. This year my handsome boyfriend hosted the event and couldn't have done a better job. Also, my 2 good pals, Jason and Saenz, shaved their heads to raise money and I was so proud of them. There were probably about 10 people who shaved their heads to raise money, including a 5-year-old boy and a girl! It was a great event for a good cause!

http://www.stbaldricks.org/

Jason and Saenz getting their heads shaved

John hosting

Lucy, the only girl to get her head shaved today

Me and Kid Caramel