Weekend Update With Stacey Robinson

Here is a lil update on my week:

June 23- Stopped taking the blood thinner. I had to be on a very low dose to make sure I didn't get any clots in my port (so sexy)

June 25- Had my radiation planning appointment. The doctor said my heart was nowhere in the ct scan (a very good thing) and that I have good anatomy for the radiation. I got my "tattoos" to make sure the lasers line up in the right spot each time. I asked them for John's name, a butterfly and any Chinese symbol, but the best they could do were 3 tiiiiiiiiny black dots that I honestly can't see. I have freckles bigger than the tattoos. And I didn't feel a thing. They also had to take digital photos of me topless on the machine. I told the guy I better not see those photographs on the internet later and he laughed and said usually people aren't this funny during their appointments and I told him I am hilarious hahahahahha. The doctor also asked if John was my husband and I said he wasn't but maybe she could be a dear and go have a talk with him. I start radiation Monday (July 1) and will be done August 15. I'm almost there folks.

June 28- Finally got my port removed!!! It was the same doctor who put it in and he is super funny. I told him I was nervous and he said "that makes 2 of us". As I was getting ready to leave the room, the nurse said that I had no weight restrictions and could lift heavy things and I told her "thank god, because I wanted to get back into weight-lifting". We all had a good laugh.

Ding Dong The Port Is Out

Which side? Oh yeah, the port side. Today at 1pm Pacific Standard Time, yours truly got her port out!!!  It was the same deal as when I got it put in. I was awake but hopped up on Ativan.  I put numbing cream on this time so I didn't feel the shots as much, but I did feel them stitching me up a bit. Still, not awful and I was just so happy to get it out. When I got it put in, it seemed like such a long time until I'd get it out, but today was the day. As much as it creeped me the hell out having a foreign object in my arm the past 4 months, I have to say, it made chemo way easier. They didn't have to poke veins. I numbed the area where my port was with a cream so I really didn't feel it when they'd access it. It's pretty amazing actually. Nevertheless, I am glad it is out. I will have a small scar on my arm but it's not bad at all.

Today I didn't even have to use my A.K.
I got to say it was a good day

2013: A Stace Odyssey

I celebrated not having to go to chemo today by checking out the Stanley Kubrick exhibit at LACMA with John and Darren and then by enjoying an organic food truck across the street. It's the first museum I have been to since I started chemo. It was nice to be in a crowded public place again...kinda. My legs and feet got a bit swollen (a side effect from one of the drugs) so I got a bit uncomfortable towards the end, but it was worth it.

The exhibit was really fascinating. I highly recommend checking it out. You have to do it fast, though,  because it closes this weekend. There were props and scripts and letters and all sorts of really cool items from his life. I have now added "Lolita," "Dr. Strangelove," "2001: A Space Odyssey," and "The Shining" to my Netflix.  I have seen "The Shining," but John hasn't so we will have a creepy movie night.

Pssst

Do you know what today would have been? My 7th treatment. But guess what? I am done with chemo, suckas!!!!

Carry on.

The Quickest Way To Become Healthy Is To Get Sick

I'm sure I've written the above somewhere in this blog before. I was telling my yoga teacher that I feel like a healthier person since I've been diagnosed and she said, "the quickest way to become healthy is to get sick" and it's true. I mostly eat organic (sometimes a ho craves an Oreo and you know those shits ain't organic). If I eat meat, it 100% has to be organic, grass fed,anti-biotic free and hormone-free. Those are non-negotiables. I try to stay away from dairy (and I haven't had an asthma attack since I went off the sauce). I don't drink caffeine. I drink very little alcohol (well, no alcohol while doing chemo. But I won't start drinking heavily once I feel better, even though I want to). I drink more water. I wear sunscreen.

The one thing that is going to take time is getting back into an exercise routine. Who am I joking. I never had an exercise routine, but I am going to adopt one. I am actually excited to join a gym and take classes and go hiking. I am going to start working with a trainer who specializes in treating cancer survivors. Since I had lymph nodes removed, I have to be careful about upper body strength training. If I don't do it right, I could develop lymphedema.

I started juicing, and actually really like it. It's a great way to get your greens if you don't enjoy eating them like myself. I hate the way kale tastes, but mixed into some juice with other fruits and veggies, its not bad. I am using spices and herbs like I'm getting paid. Turmeric is a great spice with so many health benefits. I started doing acupressure (I can't do the needles).

All of these changes are things people should do anyway, but sometimes it takes getting sick to push you to do them. I'm just ready to do it to it and fight the fight so this bullshit doesn't come back.

So No One Told You Life Was Gonna Be This Way

After I had surgery and before I started chemo, I had lunch with a friend who had breast cancer a few years ago. She is now cancer free and I am so happy for her. She said something that stuck with me. She said emotionally, the hard part comes after you are done with all the surgeries and treatments because that is when people stop asking how you are.  Some of the people who were so concerned with your health, now don't think about it because you are fine.  I think the most ironic part is I haven't heard from her since February. She hasn't once checked in on me to see how chemo was going.  Maybe she was preparing me for her own crappy friendship. I haven't experienced anyone caring less about me now that chemo is done. Quite the opposite actually. I had and continue to have such a great support system and amazing group of friends.

Friends
How many of us have them?
Friends
Ones we can depend on
Friends
How many of us have them?
Friends
Before we go any further, lets be
Friends

I Also Love My Therapist

When you are dealing with a huge bump in the road, like cancer, it's time to bring in the big guns.  Some people can deal with it themselves, but I am not one of them. I knew I would need to talk to a therapist.

When I met with my oncologist, she told me she would have the therapist call me and set up an appointment. The next day, I got a call from Melinda Sobel and never looked back. Along with Paige, she was one of the reasons I was able to get through treatments with such ease.  She is so kind and warm and sweet and I felt better just after talking to her for 5 minutes. She's so understanding and lets you know that everything you are going through is normal. She makes me laugh and makes me understand why I am feeling certain things.   She has also helped my family, which I cannot thank her enough for. She came to visit me during every single treatment. Her infectious smile definitely made the fact that they were pumping poison into me a bit less scary.

I feel like she is supposed to be in my life and I am so glad I am able to call her a pal. Aaaaand she's getting married in July!!!! (Sorry fellas, she's taken)

Insane In The Chemo Brain

I didn't start to experience "chemo brain" until the end of my treatments. Chemo brain is pretty much brain fog. You can't think of words or you forget what you are about to do or say or sometimes I like to eat peanut butter sandwiches (see what I did there?) I think I didn't get it that bad because I did things to stimulate my brain. I'd watch Jeopardy every day with John. We'd also watch a show called Brain Games where you'd have to figure out fun lil puzzles. I played Scrabble on Facebook or Words With Friends on my iPhone. I blogged often.  I'd try to read a lot, even if it was a People Magazine.  It's too bad you can't use chemo brain as an excuse in the real world when you screw something up, although I might. I think I've earned it.

To Have Side Effects or Not To Have Side Effects...

I think I was pretty lucky in terms of side effects. I didn't get as many as other people have gotten. Don't get me wrong. I did have (and am still enduring) side effects that you just can't escape.  But all in all, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. And I like to focus on the positive, so below is a lil list of all the side effects/symptoms I didn't get.

I did not lose all my hair. I actually kept a pretty good layer on the old noggin. I did choose to shave my head once it starting coming out though because I did not know how much I'd lose. I don't regret it at all. It was actually one of the most liberating things I've ever done and for the first time in my life, thought I was beautiful when I looked in the mirror. I also didn't lose all my brows or lashes. Now my doctor did tell me after chemo is done, you can still lose them so there is still a chance. But I made it through chemo without losing them. I still even have a tiny bit of hair on my legs. It has looked like the day after I shave my legs since February. It never fell out totally, but it did stop growing.

I did not become anemic. It is a common side effect of chemo that happens towards the end. Not only did I not become anemic, but my red blood cell count stayed pretty high.

I never puked. I did get a bit nauseous, but never tossed my cookies. And when I felt the nausea come on, I would pop an anti-nausea pill and it would go away

I never got sick or an infection. However, that may have been because I obsessively washed my hands and used hand sanitizer. John also changed the kitty litter and took out the trash so I wasn't exposed to any bacteria. I also was very careful about being in crowded places. If I saw someone even sneeze, I'd turn the other way. Nulasta also played a big part.

My nails didn't fall off or turn brown. They actually pretty much stayed the same. They got a tiny bit sore, but that's all she wrote.

While I did get an icky tounge and mouth, I never got mouth sores.

My skin did not get overly dry. It did get a bit dry, but nothing a lil lotion couldn't fix. My skin actually got softer, especially on my face.

And since I like to end on a high note, the greatest side effect that I did not get....wait for it...I did not get constipated. Enjoy your day.

I've Got the Moves Like Jagger

Not only is the above title true,  but I'm also singing that song because I AM GOING TO MAROON 5 IN OCTOBER!!!!! My wonderful brother is the guitarist for Phantom Planet and they share a manager with M5 (I can call them M5 because I'm going to see them in October by the by). He was so kind to hook me up with tix at the Hollywood Bowl and I am ecstatic. Maroon 5 in October and Justin Timberlake in November. My way-too-young-for-me, imaginary boyfriend meter just exploded in my head (love you, John). And just in case this post didn't make you jealous enough, below is a picture of me hugging Adam Levine at the Critics' Choice Movie Awards After Party from like 3 years ago after I told him he knew my brother, Darren. You're welcome.

I Love My NP

Today was very bittersweet. It was my last appointment with my NP, Paige.  Although I am glad I am done, I am sad I won't have any more appointments with her. When I came in to see my Oncologist for the first time, I was a mess. I didn't know what to expect and although she was amazing and sweet, she threw a ton of info at me and I was overwhelmed. I told her that she treated a friend of mine too and right away she assigned me to Paige.  Paige walked in the room with a smile, and told me she knew my friend and she'd be my NP. My anxiety instantly eased.  She has helped me get through the past few months. She answered every single one of my crazy emails and never made me feel crazy for sending them. A NP is a Nurse Practitioner and she was my go-to person at Tower Oncology. If I had a weird side effect, I'd email her. If I wasn't feeling great, I'd email her. She is smart and down to earth and understanding and I couldn't have asked for a better NP. She assured me that even though I won't be seeing her regularly, I can still email her or come see her any time if I am having issues.

And she told me I can start using Latisse for my lashes and brows tonight!!!!!!!

A Letter to Nulasta

Dear Nulasta,

I'm going to start out with the positive. You kept me from getting an infection while I was going through chemo and I cannot thank you enough. You kept my white blood count high and I never got sick. For that, I appreciate you. I had my week appointment today and my white blood count is so high (a good thing) that Jodi the nutritionist said I can even start eating sushi again. So thank you for keeping me healthy.

But you didn't have to cut me off.  Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing. I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough. Whoa, whoa, whoa, where did that come from? What I meant to say is you didn't have to be so painful and make me feel so flu-ish. I get that you were doing your job and working overtime, but was the bone pain necessary? Were the fevers a must?

Moving forward, you may want to think about toning down the crappy part of your shot. Keep up the good work, but make it a bit more fun for us folks. Like instead of bone pain for 2 days, maybe give people beautiful, full lips. Just a suggestion.

All my love,
Stacey

I Love A Gay Parade

If you know me, you know that I love my gays and all they stand for. Nothing makes me happier than seeing them celebrate who they are during LA Pride. I am lucky enough to live just walking distance from the festivities. I try to walk down there every year and cheer everyone on. This year, however, I am stuck in bed because I just had my last treatment.  I have my window open and I can hear the music and the all-around fun. Pride is about love and acceptance and being who you are and it puts a smile on my face to know they are celebrating down on Santa Monica Blvd. right now. If you have never witnessed the LA Pride parade, I highly encourage you to get your butt down here and check it out. It's amazing and inspiring and you will see things you've never seen before. Plus, I'm pretty sure I smell hot dogs, so you can get a nice snack as well.

Done and Done

I am officially done with treatments. Yesterday was my last chemo and today was my last hydration. Aside from being exhausted, it went great. I had a wonderful new nurse and a few of them sang "Here's to you Mrs. Robinson" to me :) As happy as I am that this part of my journey is done, I do feel sad that I won't see those wonderful nurses every 3 weeks. I know I talk about this in almost every post, but they really have become my second family.  They made it far less scary. Paige, Melinda, Mel, the 2 Lauras, Amy and Mary Lou. I cannot thank them enough for how comfortable they made me feel. Hopefully next time I see you guys, I'll have a bit of hair on my head and a little less puff to my face!

A Little Contest To Get Your Creative Juices Flowin'

I don't like the term "cancer survivor" because I never felt like I was dying. I decided to have a contest to see who can come up with the best word or phrase to accurately describe my status.  You can either leave it in a comment below or shoot me an email. I will announce the winner after much deliberation with John. The winner will get nothing except the sheer joy of knowing they won. You're welcome.

On your mark
Get set
Terrible

And Scene

Well jerks, I made it through about 3 1/2 months and 6 rounds of chemo. When you see someone else going through it, you never in a million years think you could do it. I am here to tell you that it is do-able. If you are reading this and just starting chemo, I promise you that you can get through it and I will help you.

Did I have my moments where I broke down? Absolutely. But I had those moments pre-cancer as well. Did I have my days where I didn't feel great? Sure. But I had those moments pre-cancer as well.  Did I have my moments where I wanted to strangle my next-door-neighbor? Sure. Those moments actually came post-cancer but you get my point. If you go into chemo with a horrible attitude and think it's going to be the worst thing ever, then it will be. If you go into it with a positive attitude, knowing it's temporary, then you will be fine. You just have to take it one day at a time. It actually went by pretty fast for me.

I have had such an amazing support system these past 6 months. So much so that I am overwhelmed (in a good way).  I have had people in my life who I didn't talk to often, check in on me frequently. I  also had some "friends" who haven't checked in on me at all, which has been hard.

I need to thank my boyfriend, John. He moved in pretty much right after I was diagnosed. It was supposed to be a happy, exciting event in our lives and it turned into a necessity. I am looking forward to getting back to my normal routine and taking over some of the chores that he has taken ownership of. He never gave me a hard time about doing all the cleaning, or getting me food or coming home early because I didn't feel good. He never once complained. He always made me feel beautiful, even when I was a bloated, hairless mess. He held my hand through all of it and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

I also want to thank all of my friends and family members. There are way too many to list and I'm afraid my chemo brain is going to forget someone accidentally and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. You know who you are and I am so grateful all of you are in my life. You have shown me what it means to be a good friend, brother, mother, father, aunt, uncle and cousin. Again, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

I am going to miss seeing  staff at Tower Oncology every 3 weeks, but they can't get rid of me that easily. I have their email addresses muuwuwwhahahhahha.

This is starting to sound like an acceptance speech and I guess I should save some of it for my wedding. No, I am not engaged and yes, I am positive I just freaked John out :)

And now, onto radiation....stay tuned

For your visual pleasure, below is a picture of me at my last chemo session, complete with a hello kitty bow and skull scarf

Photobomb

I'm not one to post pix of myself and say "hey look at me" but here is a picture of me from a wedding we went to on Saturday right before my feet and legs swelled up like balloons and we had to leave hahaha. The reason I am posting this pic is so you can see that people going through chemo still look like normal human beings. Sure, I am a bit more pale than normal and I am a bit more bloated than normal, but I think if you didn't know what I was going through, you wouldn't think twice. You'd just think, "wow who is that sexy beast in the long dress."