The Crying Game

The past year has been filled with crazy, extreme emotions. But what is odd to me is I find myself crying about things that should make me happy. My last day of radiation, which was also my last day of treatments in general, I cried hysterically. I had gotten used to going every day and seeing the same wonderful people. I had found a new normal, and it was going to change again. Today, I cried because I finally took down my wig stand and put my wig in a plastic bag in the cabinet. I remember shopping for a wig like it was yesterday. I remember the first day I wore it. I remember thinking it was going to seem like an eternity until I would feel comfortable not wearing it. Well, that day is here, and the wig is behind me. I should be so excited, but I feel a bit sad. Again, I had gotten used to it and as much as I hated it, it was a part of me for almost 8 months. My hormones are a mess and my body is still getting back to what it was, so I know everything I am feeling is normal, it's just not what I expected.

Here is where my wig stand and wig once lived

Wig Off

I had a bit of anxiety last night and this morning because I was going to work for the first time without my wig. It was all in my head and I made myself nutso. Everyone was amazing. They made me feel great about having super short hair. By the end of the day, I forgot I even had short hair and all my anxiety went away. I have been wearing my wig in public since the first week of March, so roughly 8 months. I have been counting down the days until I was comfortable going without it and I can't believe that day is here. And what is even more exciting is I am going to donate one of my wigs to the chemo center. They give out wigs to women who can't afford them or whose insurance doesn't cover them.

Wigless in Seattle...I Mean West Hollywood

2 huge things happened yesterday. 1) My scan came back clear and 2) I decided to go wigless for good. I was waiting until my appointments were done this week before I chose to take the wig off permanently. I'm not sure why. Maybe it would be a way for me to celebrate being cancer free. Either way, it's very liberating and I'm kinda liking my pixie do. I would still like it to be a tiny bit longer in the front, but it's getting there. I've decided I am going to own it and act as confident as possible while in public. I don't want to come off cocky, but I think right now, I need to act a bit full of myself in order to accept that my hair is an inch long and most of my eyebrows are drawn on. I know some people will stare and some people will wonder why it's so short, especially because I have such an enormous forehead, but they can all suck a fatty because I am cancer free, bitches.

Anticipation Is Worse Than Cancer

I'm going to start this blog off on a good note. my PETscan results came back clear and my bloodwork is excellent!!! That being said, I turned into an anxious maniac the days leading up to my scan. The night before, I gave myself a migraine and puked. I barely ate. All because I was afraid of what the results would show, which, if I may remind you, was NOTHING. John said it best. He told me stressing about something isn't going to change the outcome and most of the time whatever it is you are stressing about, never comes to fruition.
Today's lesson. STOP STRESSING

How I Get My Luscious Locks

In 4 months, my hair has gone from this

 

to this

I have been doing everything possible to make it grow faster. Here are some of my tricks n' tips:

1) I take 5,000 mcgs of Biotin every day (a vitamin). I get it at Trader Joe's.

2) I use BioSil twice a day (liquid vitamin) It's good for skin, nails and hair. I used it before I was diagnosed and I noticed a difference. It's pricey, but worth it. 

3) I use Avalon Organics Thickening Shampoo Biotin B Complex Therapy

4) I rub Jason Thin-To-Thick Energizing Scalp Elixir in my scalp every night before bed.

I also have the best boyfriend in all the land and he rubs my head when I ask him to, which stimulates the hair follicles.

The Calm Before The Storm

This past weekend, I made sure I had a full 2 days so I wouldn't be sitting around thinking about my PETscan and oncologist appointment this week. They are just routine check-ups. I believe I need to have a PETscan every 6 months for a little while and as time goes on, they become less frequent. Same with my oncologist.  Right now, I go every 3 months, but as time goes on, I don't have to go as often. I think I will always have anxiety before a scan or appointment. My friend, Alexis, calls is scanxiety and I think that is a brilliant word for it.

Back to this past weekend. 9 of us went up to Solvang for a wine tour and some shenanigans. We had a great time and it definitely took my mind off this week. And I didn't wear my wig.  It was very liberating. My hair is finally at a length that it just looks like a super short haircut. I was brave and posted the below pic on Facebook and Instagram.  Selfishly, I wanted people to tell me how good I looked so my self-esteem would build up enough to leave the wig off for good. Right now, my plan is to get through this week of doctor's appointments and take the wig off for good on Friday. I'll keep you posted.

Jump Up, Jump Up And Get Down

I had another milestone today. For the first time since I had surgery in December...actually, since I had my biopsy right before last Thanksgiving, I jump-roped!!!! Up until today, it hurt my knockers too much to jump up and down. Now, I am back to being a jump-roping machine.

Celebrity Siting #3

They always say things come in 3s and they are right. Last Saturday, I saw Drew Barrymore. Last Sunday, I saw Mr. Schu. And tonight, ladies and gentlemen, at Whole Foods in West Hollywood, I saw....wait for it....wait for it... MARLON WAYANS!! Who is jealous?

Gimme Brow

I got the Benefit Gimme Brow in the mail today and it's fantastic. It's a tiiiiiiiny mascara wand that you use to brush on the brown eyebrow gel. The brush makes it look like actual hair. It comes in 2 colors. I got the darker color because my brows are pretty dark, but I'm wondering if the lighter one would look better.  Below are some pix!

Brows without Gimme Brow

Brows with Gimme Brow

If You Liked My Post About Drew Barrymore, You Are Going To Love This One

This was a weekend of celebrity sightings. First was good ol' Drew Barrymore in my yoga class and tonight, it was Mr. Schu (Matthew Morrison) from Glee, in line for the Terror Tram at Universal's Halloween Horror Nights. He was taller than I thought he'd be and he kiiinda had a Justin Timberlake vibe going on. He was with a group of really good looking people, one being his fiance. As we were leaving on the tram, he was waiting for the next one and of course I yelled, "MR. SCHUUUUUU!!!" I took a picture (below), because I am a creep.

Celebrity Yoga

I did awful in my yoga class today because DREW BARRYMORE WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and I couldn't stop looking at her!!! Her mat was literally right in front of mine. Her blanket was touching my mat. I'm so bad at spotting celebrities and when she walked in, all I thought was, "Nah, that can't be Drew Barrymore. She wouldn't come to a gentle yoga class in West Hollywood on a Saturday morning." But it was her. She had all the Drew tattoos and then I heard her speak. She was actually very limber. I was impressed. She also left class twice to do who knows what. I was wondering if she wanted people to recognize her. I wanted to tell her I loved her in "Poison Ivy," but I'm sure she hears that all the time, so I refrained.

The Benefit of Benefit

I tried a new mascara from Benefit called "They're Real." My lashes are taking their sweet time growing in and at this point I will try anything to make them look thicker. Below is a picture of my eyelashes after applying the mascara. Now, I know they aren't anything to write home about, but compared to how they look with other mascara, they aren't too shabby. I also ordered Benefit's Gimme Brow for my eyebrows. Once I give that product a whirl, I will write a post. I know you will all be on pins and needles.

Brow Chik-A Brow Wow

While my lashes are finally starting to fill in, my brows aren't growing at all. I had a few new hairs, but then it stopped. I don't know if they are never coming back or if it's just taking a very long time. Luckily, I didn't lose them all, but if I don't pencil them in, they look pretty sparse. Below are some pix.

brows pre-chemo

brows 4 months post-chemo, not penciled in

brows 4 months post-chemo, penciled in

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It's lovely to see everyone all "pinked" out and having fundraisers and such. My amazing hair stylist, Jordana,  has a great deal running now where if you donate money to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, you get a free pink hair extension. I decided to donate and have her put one in my wig. She also trimmed my hair a tiiiiny bit today. My first haircut!! She just cleaned up the sides and back, but it was still exciting. I also painted my nails pink and sketched the breast cancer ribbon on one of them. I never thought I'd be "celebrating" Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but I feel proud to be part of the team.